Top 3 Dating Myths Debunked

Biggest dating myths – These common myths among my clients contribute to date anxiety and lead to avoidance.

Let’s face it: it is not easy if you’re single and want to be in a relationship. Dating apps should technically make the process easier, as they give you access to thousands of people who also want to meet you or someone.

However, dating apps also open up more opportunities to be outdone and completely rejected. They force you to encounter fears and insecurities that you may not want to face.

The desire to meet someone “organically” (that is, in daily life) also raises similar issues that cause anxiety and distress.

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As a psychologist, I frequently speak with single clients about their dating issues. Even when they rank getting to know someone as one of their highest priority goals, they repeatedly avoid doing what it really takes to get to know that person. People often talk themselves out of dating by accepting some common dating myths.

Time and time again, people cling to these myths to protect themselves from getting hurt. It’s like they’re saying to themselves, “If I can think of an excuse to avoid doing this, I won’t have to deal with rejection” (or whatever that person’s fear of dating is).

Here are some most common myths about dating and how to see things differently:

Myth #1: I need to love myself before somebody else can love me.

There are different iterations of this common myth, including the belief that you have to solve most of your problems before you can have a successful relationship. Also related is the idea that in order to attract somebody, you need to feel confident and radiate that confidence.

Debunking Myth #1:

Would it be great if you completely loved yourself, had solved most of your problems and felt safe and radiated this confidence? Absolutely!

Do most people feel it good about themselves most of the time? Nope!

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Virtually everyone has negative core beliefs about themselves that are triggered at times. Examples of negative core beliefs are:

  • I’m unpleasant
  • I’m a failure
  • I’m worthless
  • I’m bound to be rejected

These types of beliefs are activated in times of stress, vulnerability and emotional insecurity. Putting yourself out there in the dating world opens you up to feeling, well, stressed, insecure and vulnerable. Therefore, dating is sure to trigger these negative core beliefs, especially after experiencing rejection or even thinking about the possibility of being rejected. Therefore, you are less likely to feel that you love yourself when you are single and actively trying to meet someone else.

Keep in mind that when you start a relationship with someone, you may very well have a healthy relationship with someone, even if you are still struggling with unresolved issues. Fact is, you can work on these personal issues within the context of a healthy relationship.

Myth #2: Dating should be fun

A minority of people are lucky and have best dating experiences. Some people never like dating, and others are very excited when they start, but quickly burn out when things don’t go as well as planned.

It feels like work, a common refrain I hear from people on dating apps.

Wetting Myth #2:

Dating is often hard work. I often tell people who adhere to this myth about my friend, a fellow psychologist, who wanted to meet someone after her brief marriage dissolved. “If you want to meet someone, you should treat dating like a part-time job for sure,” she said. Even though she had a full-time job, she managed to make dating her part-time job. This approach indeed paid off, and she is now remarried and has three children with her second husband.

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Also, due to negative core beliefs that are often activated during the dating process; Understandably, it can be unpleasant and stressful.

Finally, when you think dating should be enjoyable, you push them even harder. If you’re not having fun, the experience feels worse and you’re more likely to abandon the process.

Myth #3: I need to be motivated to date

I need to be motivated to date

There is often a huge discrepancy between people’s desire to be in a relationship and their motivation to do whatever it takes to reach that goal. People often avoid using dating apps or responding to messages because they’re not motivated to do so.

Debunking Myth #3:

It can be difficult to stay motivated to do something when you activate your negative core beliefs and when the chances of success are uncertain. While it’s easier to do things when you’re excited and motivated, you can still do things like date and not be very motivated.

When motivation is challenging, validate yourself on how challenging the process is and also focus on why you are doing it and what you ultimately want to accomplish.

Focus on your values, not your fears

Finally, when you’re thinking about dating but feel hesitant, focus on your goals and values ​​and what’s important to you. Remember that many people struggle with the dating process and it’s okay not to be enthusiastic about it. If it causes you stress and anxiety, it is normal and expected. Acknowledge your fears, and then let your values ​​guide your behavior.