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In recent years, the relationship between husbands and wives has been under tremendous cultural scrutiny Soundview marriage is a 50-50 partnership in which responsibilities are split right down the middle to the other extreme Soundview marriage is a hierarchy of people today on Insight for living. Chuck Swindoll teaches from Ephesians chapter 5 Paul presents the God ordained roles husbands and wives. And while the details sound archaic to some, this model has served millions of marriages over century time. Chuck titled today’s message the most challenging of all relationships. You know the story of a song you just sign Horatio Spafford who wrote it. His name appears at the bottom of the song you’ll see there in your worship folder was a businessman in Chicago during a time of intense pressure for the family. Not long after the great Chicago fire. He said his wife and four daughters to see to travel to England with plans to join them later when business opportunity provided on their way. The ship because of the terrible collisions site the four daughters perished at sea. The wife, amazingly made it to England and wired back to her husband that all four daughters had died at sea.

He took the next ship to England and when the captain of the ship told him they were at the place where there previous ship and sunk. He stood on the deck of the ship and wrote when peace like a river attends my way and sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever. My thought whatever my lot that was taught me to say it is well with my soul gives new meaning. Doesn’t it to words why we always say pay attention to what you’re singing the word pictures often are drawn from the womb in which the song was created in the mind of the composer great husband great father Horatio Spafford. Speaking of that, we want to read from Ephesians chapter 5. If you brought a copy of the Scriptures with you before we take the time to express in a tangible way our worship through our offerings to God. When we refer you. Ephesians 5 verses 21 yes, 21 to 33 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body, but as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives want to be to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless so ought husbands also to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one.

This mystery is great but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife ease even as himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband to search the Scriptures with Chuck Swindoll.

Be sure to download his searching the Scriptures. Studies by going to Insight and other message titled, the most challenging of all relationships is that valuable things take time, and often the more valuable they are, the more time they take to maintain to take care to appreciate something I recently returned from a very unusual trip for almost but not 10 days, but between a week and 10 days. We were first in Turkey along the coastal area of Turkey and then out to see to several of the Greek islands and we saw some awfully valuable things while in Istanbul, for example, we visited the Topkapi Palace and you will remember from books you’ve read are perhaps from your own trip there.

It is full of of the most precious and sizable Jules and Jim’s the I can behold garments are threaded with Jules and and crowns are are there that much set on the heads of the monarchs.

I hurried Cynthia out of there so that she wouldn’t get any ideas in and we came next to museums and then we on our trip, not far from Kush Odyssey of Turkey. We we went to Ephesus, having been there before and it was a pleasure to look into the faces of people there for the first time when your shoes walk where Paul’s sandals once walked in John’s and Timothy’s need your new never quite the same, and you’re looking at things they saw and you’re sitting where they sat the great theater at the busy intersection of the town or the city of Ephesus, much of it destroyed by earthquakes and and now being rebuilt. We were told only 1015% of the city has been found in rebuilt and yet but what was there. The slabs of marble in these some of them headless sculptor statues of of the great names in familiar people in those days, which is invaluable. All of it, having taken so much time to build and to and to sculpt, but perhaps the most impressive to me and to us as a group was a little small shop not far from Kush Odyssey that we visited, where they make the famous Turkish rugs and made rugs. If you have never seen the artists who do this kind of work. Your education is incomplete it is. It is almost beyond my ability to describe sitting on rather uncomfortable small stools is a a row of happen to be old women who were sitting there working their art threads were chosen from a stack of colored threads they had available to them. And as they looked at the pattern that was there on the loom they would choose the thread and they would not it quicker than you could follow it with your eye pushing down packet in place and get another one and do another. And yet another yet another in yet another four weeks four months. In some cases when working with silk in the larger rugs up to four years on the same piece of art until they finish and hanging before you typed on this rack that they been working which is been rolling little by little.

Through the months and years. Finally, when unrolled, is this is this incredible handmade rug put together by these remarkable people. Two things came to mind. First of all, what remarkable people they are. Who do this kind of thing. I found myself wanting to just stand up the just and the woman up just put my arms around her in my own simple way say thank you do that remarkable remarkable people.

The second I thought how essential the pattern. The pattern here is a here is a little 8 x 10 picture of of what is to be put into this rug and enough of the right threads chosen of the right color in the right place and you wind up with the bird or piece of pottery, or a floral design or geometric design.

That’s all part of the pattern that is pictured that you know some of them have worked the rug so long they don’t even need the pattern so it comes time for a beak on the bird to get beat thread pull it down and they put that in there and they packet in the place and cut it off enough, enough, enough, and there’s a there’s a bird. His Macy and I thought standing there. This will preach.

This will preach God’s given us the pattern to be followed. He doesn’t ask the opinion of the ages he doesn’t ask what you think about it or what I think about it. He doesn’t first check with culture or the Oval Office. He doesn’t seek the interest of the media. He doesn’t pursue the opinions of mighty warriors. He doesn’t seek the counsel of of the monarchs of the of the world. He sets his pattern in place and he says take the right threads at the right time for the right reason weave them together into your life and as your life finally is woven as I have patterned it, it will be something that I can use for my glory for generations to come. Just follow the pattern now when we are in the midst turned to the pattern in Ephesians chapter 5.

We are in the midst of a wonderful section of Scripture that I have titled the most challenging of all relationships.

Obviously I have in mind the husband-wife relationship. There are many challenging relationships. None more than this life because it’s the most exacting.

It’s the most constant.

It’s the most inescapable and when done correctly, it requires of us patience and skill and determination, and trust like no other relationship on the planet.

The dominant color of this domestic rug is set forth in verse 21 in the simple words be subject to from a military word that has in mind. Falling in rank under another of a greater authority be subject to whom one another one another.

You know what that means. Sid means exactly what the pattern says you are to be subject to him. He is to be subject to her.

We are to be subject to one another to one another. There’s no age there’s no sex.

There’s no level of maturity given one of the characteristics in this magnificent tapestry being woven together is submission, and then he addresses. First, the threads related to the wife in verses 2223 and 24. We looked at that rather carefully and and we listen carefully, as the Lord instructed us from those verses. As we carried out the direction of being subject to one another. In this case wives husband did you notice something.

I ducked out for two weeks after speaking to the wives about being subject to their husbands to notice.

I went to Turkey. No mail and I got on the boat. I mean I was as far away as I could get leaving you with the pattern you just have to look at it, you have to think it through yet to accept it for what it says if I said something it doesn’t say. May God show me and I’ll correct it when I see that the need to do so, but I didn’t make it easy, nor did I twisted to make it fit what I wanted to say it’s not my pattern.

If the Lord and the hirelings tell you what they want you to hear shepherds tell you what the shepherd wants us to hear and associate and as an under shepherd. I spoke to wives honestly and and and openly. Now I come today. Verse 25 to the husband’s. I think it’s interesting that the wives are addressed in verses 2223 and 24 when you come to husbands.

It’s 2526 2728 2930 3132 on there’s a lot there for us, which audit tell us something men.

There’s a lot to being the head of the home as a matter of fact, when we are the right kind of head there’s no problem with the wife being submissive unless she’s very sick and I mean that seriously. I have never in my almost 40 years of ministry witnessed a wife who was in rebellion and rejection of a husband. When the leadership of the husband was as it should have been never seen that except in cases where the woman has, for whatever reason, become ill and out of touch with reality.

So this is for husbands and this is his pattern. These these are his threads to follow. John RW Stott in his book on Ephesians writes this, and I agree with him. Whatever the husband’s headship mirrors the headship of Christ than the wife’s submission to the protection and provision of his love, far from detracting her womanhood will positively enrich it.

A woman who is loved. As she is to be loved by a husband, a woman who is led in the capacity of the spirits filling as she is meant to be led will absolutely find her life enriched in a marriage, the dominant thread for the woman is respect for her husband, which is seen in verse 33, the dominant thread for the man is to love his wife.

Interestingly, the wife is not commanded to love the husband. It’s great. If she does, but she’s not commanded to love her husband. We are commanded to love our wives to command.

It’s a verb it’s a narrative coming right from the panel Paul before the word husbands is dry and ink.

The word love appears in verse 25 husbands, love, love term use is it is a absolutely wonderful New Testament term. It’s not the word for sexual intimacy is not the word for sexual activity commonly revealed in the Greek language Eros ER OS we get our word erotic from it is not the word. This is not even the word for affection feeling affection and closeness for for her.

That’s the word for loss for loss.

That’s a word for brotherly affection or sisterly affection nor the affection of a team for one another in the members of the same team that’s affectionate love. That’s two-way love. This is one way love agape love best defined seeking the highest good of the other person that’s this word husbands see the highest good of your wife see her highest good. And as I’ve said, it’s commanded it’s a command it’s in.

Now let me give you a little quiz to see if you are fairly alert here. There are two analogies that the apostle uses to describe this love. To illustrate this love each one is introduced with the word as can you find them when you’re going to draw an analogy. This is like that use the word as an like this is like that. These are as those are, look at the two analogies. Verse 25.

Love her as Christ loved the church. That’s the first one done in verse 28 is the second husbands ought also to love their own wives and there’s that word again their own bodies circled the two words as in my Bible, as Christ loved the church. That’s verse 25.

As the man takes care over loves his own body go back to the analogy of the rug and my little handful of threads here choosing the threads that make up the tapestry called marriage. The apostle weaves together truths from the church and how Christ loves the church as examples of how husbands love their wives and then he goes to the man himself, and he says as you nurture or take care of your own bodies, the same way you nurture and take care of your wife as the church as your own body’s look at those two but study the pattern.

See what this marriage rug. It looks like first verse 25 husbands, love your wives, as Christ loves loved the church to give you four words, if you like taking notes put them in the margin of your Bible or you want to write them on a sheet and review them later.


You don’t want to write anything down that’s fine. Just get the four words sacrifice, sanctify, forgive, honor, or do I get those words well from verses 25 through 27. All four words either appear or they are implied. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and how to be loved the church. He gave himself up for her. That’s the word sacrifice.

Sacrifice when my love is like the love of Christ for the church. I give up things for my wife.

Webster says to sacrifice is to is to offer up one’s self or something more precious to surrender to release to do without for the benefit of another sacrifice is woven all the way through religions.

There’s hardly a religion. You could name that doesn’t involve sacrifice.

Christianity engages in the subject of sacrifice. Present your bodies as a living sacrifice would say that in Romans 12 one present your bodies as a living sacrifice, except this is the Christ. This is to set apart oneself for the wife’s benefit. Good question to ask ourselves husbands. Is this new I love her enough to die for her. If I’m to love my wife as Christ loved the church and to be willing to give myself up for her.

These are the disciplines that defined a healthy marriage.

You’re listening to Insight for living with pastor and author Chuck Swindoll. He titled today’s message the most challenging of all relationships and if you like to learn more about this ministry.

Visit us online at insight world.or what is possible that one of the sacrifices you’re dealing with is waiting. Waiting on your husband or wife were waiting on God to provide an answer to date we’ve reserved the closing moments of today’s program to hear Chuck describe one couples arduous journey waiting on God. But first, let me remind you that insight for living ministries has produced a number of resources to help you grow in God’s grace versus Chuck wrote a devotional that includes 365 daily reflections for the new year. It’s called good morning Lord. Can we talk and additionally, we’ve created a flip calendar designed to hold a prominent spot in your home or office, is called quotable Chuck Daly insights from the pulpit. Both resources will become a welcome addition to the new year and either one would make a thoughtful Christmas gift as well to purchase the daily devotional in the flip calendar go to or call one of our friendly staff members. If you’re listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 Chuck everybody I know is waiting for something, including you, waiting for relief waiting for an answer to prayer waiting for dream to be fulfilled were all waiting for something, and few biblical characters teach us more about waiting and having patients while avoiding than Abraham.

He and Sarah waited long beyond their childbearing years to fulfill the dream of starting a family and even with occasional missteps.

They become a model for those of us who feel like we are in a holding pattern. Individuals who have grown deep in their relationship with God have learned this just as Abraham did to wait with anticipation. Instead of worrying they know that God keeps his promises so they don’t fret over whether the fulfillment will come. They know it will take place they just don’t know when or how. Let me admit that as we finish another year of ministry we too are waiting on God to do what only he can do our financial reserves are drawn down and were completely dependent on our God and all his people to restore and replenish what we need. Were not fretting and let me assure you were not worrying. For we know that God is faithful. He always works through his people, and in this case he will work through people.

People just like you. So let me ask you, would you be among those who respond with a year end donation. You see, we need you because our world needs God’s truth. So let’s do this together. Okay, let’s do this now.

While there still time. Jesus said this, we must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us the night is coming, and then no one can work will find that in John nine verse four. Thanks for hearing my heart. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

And here’s how to respond to Chuck Swindoll right now to give a donation today. Call us if you’re listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or go online to and then while you have a little extra time this weekend. Grade you to set your alarm on Sunday to join us for worship online, you’re invited to take a front row see in the worship center stone briar Community Church.

Thousands are taking advantage of this weekend worship experience online. Not only as they hear Chuck Bible teaching, but the majestic music as well. Find all the 19th inviting you to join us again when Chuck Swindoll series called becoming the people of race continue as Monday on insight for living. The preceding message.

The most challenging of all relationships are to was copyrighted in 2000 2001 and 2009 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited