Is there anything wrong with good sex? Of course not. But if you’re looking for more than a roll in the hay, maybe even a loving partnership, you may need to raise your standards for what’s acceptable in a relationship.
One of my clients asked about a dating situation she was in that was starting to make her wonder. It seems Marie had been seeing this very attractive younger guy for 3 months. The relationship was pretty steamy, meeting once a week for what she called “fantastic hotel sex.”
The fellow, Tim was fairly direct and honest with her, letting her know he didn’t want a relationship. And a mutual friend confided that Tim thought she was too old for him. Even though it was really fun, Marie was getting the feeling that the relationship was not going any where and she should end it. Tim was 32 and she was 45.
I asked Marie to take a step back and determine what her own dating agenda was. If she was OK with having fun weekend sex, then what the heck? But, if she wanted a long-term, loving relationship, Tim was obviously not the right man. He told her so AND a friend confirmed it. The best thing she could do was to trust her instincts, see the situation for what it was and move on.
Personally, I think this is one reason why there are so many 30 something men dating older women. Just an opinion I know and definitely not always true. But some younger guys may figure the baby bio-clock has stopped ticking (unlike potential 30 something girlfriends), so no pressure or commitment will be required from a 40 something woman.
Marie deserved more than sex in a relationship and I felt certain that with some effort she could find a better suited, more complete relationship. I suggested she walk away from Tim, make herself available again and raise her standards! There are plenty of good men out there who will light her fire AND love her too.
I asked Marie why she felt she should settle for only half of her romantic vision? She didn’t even realize that this is what she had been doing. Then I encouraged her to get out there, go for what she really wanted and stop settling for hotel sex.