You will learn how to better manage your thoughts, attitudes, approach and actions in response to the happy life you want instead of in response to the problems and challenges. To fix your marriage and stop a divorce you need to take a week answering each of the following questions.
What is the Number 1 problem in your marriage?
This question helps you immediately differentiate between symptoms and root problems. You will identify the problem causing the most pain. working to fix this problem will automatically solve the symptoms associated with it and relieve you of more than 50% of the issues affecting the marriage.
Why did you fall in love with your spouse?
This question helps remind you of who you said yes to before all the problems. To reconnect with the bright future you saw you need to remember the person you saw it with.
What is the purpose of your marriage?
Purpose is what anchors your marriage when expectations fail and feelings fade. The purpose of a marriage is the value it will add to society. Your marriage is just as important to the world as every hospital, school and courtroom.
What are the issues affecting the marriage?
You will categorise the issues according to the subheadings below and focus your energy on addressing the first 2.
1. Issues relating to the Number 1 Problem.
2. Issues specific to you.
3. Issues specific to your spouse.
4. Issues that affect you both.
How does your marriage function?
In this question you describe what is working well and what needs fixing. Divorce happens when the perceived poor functioning outweighs what is working well. You need to have an honest look at both sides and not just focus on the problems you need to fix.
Who influences your marriage and what are they like?
Many marriages are ruined because of advice from the wrong people. If your influencers are not people with strong stable marriages you need to rethink who you associate with.
What did the best years look like?
There was a working formula at some time in the marriage. Take time to remember how life was when you were happy.
In a marriage things tend to go south when specific circumstances occur. Examining the good years can help you identify when and where things changed and what factors caused it.
How do you respond to the things you can’t stand?
How we respond to situations is always more important that the situation itself. When you know how you react you can take responsibility over your actions and choose a different approach. You never fix a marriage, what you fix is how you think and behave in the marriage.
Honestly exploring and answering these questions will help you see the many dynamics of your relationship that make it great, as well as those causing stress and pain. Next you will focus your energy on fixing what you have most control over. Focus less on your spouse and their issues and more on you and yours.