How to make a woman feel sexually desired? A friend recently shared a meme with me about how when you post about “date night” on social media, you might as well say you’re going to have sex that night. Oh contra ire!
This post is for all the men who are wondering why their wives don’t want sex on date night or any other night, and for the women who are wondering if they are alone in their preferences. You are not alone! I myself and many other women prefer non-night sex, especially in young children and in a tiring career phase of life. These are the main reasons why my female clients prefer sex at times other than night.
Lack of Sexual Sexual Desire in Woman
1. Testosterone peaks at 6 am for both genders. While women may not know this fact, they do know that their sex drive is non-existent at night and is better in the morning. Biochemically, nighttime is when the body shuts down, and this is more evident in women with lower testosterone levels, who have less to work with in the first place, than men with higher testosterone levels.
2. Women do not like to feel bloated during sex. After dinner (and/or drinks, if it’s a date night), many women find that their stomachs are full and they look and feel less attractive. Don’t minimize the impact body image and stomach fullness have on your wife’s libido.
3. A whole day of parenting leaves many women “touched.” When you go to touch your wife at night, she is completely burned by human contact. If she catches her earlier in the day, she still hasn’t had a chance to be touched.
4. Women can’t have sex when they’re stressed. As I discuss here, women don’t often use sex to relax like men do. They need to de-stress before their bodies respond sexually. At night, if you give your wife a massage to relax her, she may fall asleep because…
5. They are sold out. You as a man are also tired, but you may not be too tired to have sex. She is! And this is her innate wiring. Most women don’t want to be woken up for sex, because sleep is elusive and when you wake her up for sex, she feels that you don’t care about her well-being.
6. You want a “big production.” Many men, especially if they are hungry for physical contact in general, prefer a lot of foreplay and role play and all kinds of games during sex. However, your wife is exhausted at night, so while she would be up for a quickie, it sounds like you don’t like these, so she just says no in general.
7. Your body aches at night. Lot of women who struggle with depression, and aging women in general, have chronic pain. While this is not an excuse to completely turn off the faucet on affection, it does have a real and significant impact on sexual desire, especially at the end of the day. Getting good at massages can help your wife open up at night or fall asleep and then be ready to go out in the morning.
8. Pressure. For women who are most uncomfortable with sex, knowing that you “expect” to have sex after date night can be very stressful and distressing. Morning or evening sex can be less pressure-filled since there were fewer hours for the buildup.
Increasing Sexual Desire in Women
For these and other reasons, you may want to consider moving most of your sexual activity to the morning or (when you work from home/when the kids nap or watch TV) to the afternoon. Your wife’s libido will be biologically higher, she will have more energy and be less burned by touch.
How to Make a Woman Feel Sexually Desired
Of course, if your wife does not want sex at any time of the day or night, this is a different problem. But if the two of you tackle a problem of low sexual desire at night (or any other problem, really) as a team, you might come up with creative solutions, like:
- Change one or both of your gym schedules from morning to afternoon/evening to make time for sex a few times a week.
- Set an earlier alarm once a week to have sex
- Go to bed earlier at night so you naturally wake up earlier
- Do all these things especially when she is ovulating and then you will have a double impact on her sex drive.
- Save the bells and whistles sex for the day and have more quickies at night.
- Remember that the massage and generally being nice and cuddly at night will increase their desire in the morning (or at least their willingness to be open to sex; this willingness to get into the mood is what they can focus on). women with lower libido, instead of aiming for an intense pre-sexual desire)
Talk to her partner and plan a date night that ends in sex the next morning! And until we meet again, I’m still the blogger who says: when there is a will, there is a way.